Birthday Wishes

It would seem that the "other" Schenker brother is celebrating a birthday today...



Now I'll be the first to admit that I just don't like him, but he is Michael's brother, so...



Happy birthday, Rudolf!
My wish for you is that you someday realize what a precious gift a baby brother is.

Thursday Thirteen

The thirteen greatest guitarists ever!
(IMHO)

1. Michael Schenker
2. Matthias Jabs
3. Eric Clapton
4. George Harrison
5. Steve Clark
6. Justin Hayward
7. Mike Campbell
8. Gary Moore
9. Joe Satriani
10. Ted Nugent
11. Neil Young
12. C. C. Deville
13. Richie Sambora

Wordless Wednesday

Don't Leave Out Michael!

This site will create a banner for you of the top metal bands in your LastFM profile. Metalhead that I am, I just had to get one. The band logos are arranged in the order with the band you listen to most at the top.

This is what mine looked like...



WTF?!

The site has no logo for the Michael Schenker Group.
What an insult to Michael!
I quickly struggled to make a copy of Michael's band logo to add to the top of my banner...

Not bad, eh?

Manic Monday

What kinds of scenes in movies make you cry?
Strange ones...
Really, I cry over the strangest things in movies.But considering the fact that I prefer sci-fi and action movies over (BLECH!) chick flicks, I suppose that isn't all too surpising.

If you met your clone-- someone with your exact personality traits, likes and dislikes, etc. -- would you want to be friends with him/her? Why or why not?
Oh, you must be talking about my Aunt Ethel...
We get along fairly well, as long as we don't spend TOO much time around each other. All that bitchiness in one place can get pretty annoying after a while!

What is your biggest challenge in life right now?
Practicing these principles in all my affairs...
Not picking up a drink is the easy part. Learning how top deal with life on life's terms (without the alcohol) is the hard part.

I Am Not Responsible!

A while back, I got a shout on my profile at Last FM from one of my friends. The shout contained a link to a rather bad performance by Michael Schenker and a message that I should get my boy Michael to shape up...

This was my response, sent in a personal message to my friend:

"One thing you've gotta understand about Michael, he's an alcoholic. It is something about him that I understand quite well, from my own personal experience. People have always expected so much from him from the time he was just a kid and he just can't handle it. He can't handle lots of things and that's how he deals, unfortunately not well. I had a really strong feeling that something like this was going to happen this tour. Quite frankly. I'm concerned. And people posting stuff like that only hurts him more. Sorry if I'm ranting at you."

I have not heard from this friend since...

I'm so sorry, but I will defend Michael with my last breath.
I have to wonder if any of these people who are so bent on hurting Michael, putting him down, have ever walked in anything even remotely reembling his shoes.
Well, I have!
No one deserves to be treated the way that people treat Michael.
I see how hard he tries. I know what a difficult struggle he is dealing with. I will NEVER give up hope for him or stop loving him...

I wish that I could take his hand and bring him along to AA meetings with me. I wish that I could tell him that even on his very WORST day, he is still good enough for me. I wish that I could tell him that I can see all of the beauty and goodness inside him, NOT just his body and a guitar...
I wish that I could, but I cannot. We have never met. And even if we had, even if I could...
I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS ACTIONS!
That is his responsibility alone...

I do have faith in him, though.
He will pull himself together.
He will get it right.
He has the tools that he needs. He needs only to use them. He knows where this disease will lead. He is not stupid.
Unlike so many so-called fans, I will not give up on him or lose hope.

Art Of The Mix

With AA and recvery once again becoming a part of my life, I thought that it would be nice to create a mixed CD of musical reinforcement for myself. So, I find myself pouring through my hard drive searching for just the right songs.

This is what I have so far...

1. Just For Today - George Harrison
2. Alive - Michael Schenker Group
3. Serenity - UFO
4. I Am Grateful - Michael Schenker
5. Believe - Kelly Keeling
6. The Needle And The Damage Done - Neil Young
7. Live For Today - Michael Schenker Group

Not nearly enough to fill an entire CD. And so the search goes on...

Scary, But True

My results to the latest Blogthings quiz...

You Are a Haunted House

You are a deeply complicated and sometimes deeply disturbed person. You can't help but be attracted to the dark side of life - even when it's pretty gruesome. In relationships, you are honest and real. So real that it's definitely a little scary. You don't fake it or play along just to get along. And people either respect this... or deeply resent it Your life is thoughtful, deep, and even philosophical at times. You see the world as it is. You don't sugar coat anything. Facing and fighting your fears is important to you. You believe that too much of life is whitewashed. You're not too morbid... you just believe that you can't enjoy life without exorcising a few demons first! At your best, you are brave, intense, and fearless. Not only do you face the abyss head on - you challenge your friends to do the same. At your worst, you are depressed and morose. If you're not careful, your thoughts take over your mind... and they aren't pretty!

What Carnival Ride Are You?

Thursday Thirteen

This week's thirteen is about one of my favorite things, animé!

My thirteen favorite animé series

1. Mobile Suit Gundam Wing
2. Fullmetal Alchemist
3. Naruto
4. Dragonball Z
5. Pokémon
6. Cowboy BeBop
7. Inuyasha
8. YuYu Hakusho
9. TriGun
10. The Big O
11. Rurouni Kenshin
12. Lupin III
13. Tenchi Muyo

Wordless Wednesday

Wit And Wisdom

Handle every situation like a dog...

If you can't eat it or screw it...
Piss on it and walk away!

Manic Monday

What is the biggest transition you've had to make in your life?
I guess it should be fairly obvious that would be the transition from active alcoholic to recovery.
This is not the first time that I've tried, but hopefully with the help of whatever higher power there may be, it will be the last.

If you had to be famous for something, what would you choose?
~ giggles ~
Why, for being Michael Schenker's lover, of course!

What surprises you most about your life so far?
Perhaps the question should be, "What DOESN'T surprise you about your life so far?"
Nothing about my life has ever turned out the way I planned it!

A Bit Of Silliness

'Cos I bet you all are sick of hearing about my recovery issues...

You Are a Yellow Crayon

Your world is colored with happy, warm, fun colors. You have a thoughtful and wise way about you. Some people might even consider you a genius. Charming and eloquent, you are able to get people to do things your way. While you seem spontaneous and free wheeling, you are calculating to the extreme. Your color wheel opposite is purple. You both are charismatic leaders, but purple people act like you have no depth.

What Color Crayon Are You?

What I Need To Work On

Denial - I am not an alcoholic. I can control this thing!
Yeah, sure. But why would I need to control something if I didn't have a problem with it?!

My higher power - I've got a real problem with God (see previous post).
The only higher power I connect with is Michael Schenker.
Great! My higher power is just as fucked up as I am....

Trust - My addiction has taught me over and over to trust NO ONE!
The people in the program can't help me if I don't trust them

So sorry that this is becoming "the recovery blog."
It's just where I'm at right now...

Oh My God

Who is s/he?
I don't know.

I'm supposed to form a relationship with God, turn my life over to him. How can I do this? In my heart, I am not certain that such a being exists...

Certainly there has to be some power out there greater than that of humanity, but a God?!

Perhaps I need to back away from the corrupt images presented by religion and form my own conclusions. They do say "God as we understand him."

Where to begin....?

Thursday Thirteen

I'm feeling in need of a good dose of gratitude, so...

Thirteen things that I am grateful for

1. Being welcomed back into the program with open arms
2. My loving family
3. The music
4. The lessons I've learned, even the hard ones
5. My pets, an endless source of unconditional love
6. The knowledge that I need only live life one day at a time
7. That I didn't pick up a drink today
8. That the check engine light in my car finally went out
9. Other people who share my addiction. I am not alone
10. Having a place to vent my pent up feelings
11. Being free of the emotional blackmail that I was being subjected to
12. Food in the fridge and a roof over my head
13. Second chances

Wordless Wednesday

Rooting Around

I've been searching, looking for my old stuff. You know, my old AA stuff from my first time around. So far all that I've been able to find is my copy of Twenty-Four Hours A Day that was given to me by my first sponsor when I acheived thirty days of sobriety. Written inside the front cover are these words:

6/16/90
Remember one day at a time it works.
K. I. S. S.
Ronda
7/16/90
30 days!!

For those not familiar with 12 step programs, K. I. S. S. means keep it simple, stupid!

Looking at those words made me very upset that I threw it all away, so turned the pages to the meditation for August 15.
It began with these words:

Once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic

Amazing that it should be words so appropriate for me, starting over from square one...

Manic Monday

What would you like to accomplish this month?
To stay sober, one day at a time...

How would people who knew you in high school describe you?
Still crazy after all these years!

What's your favorite meal of the day, and why?
The evening snack, because it is the one that I can enjoy all by myself!

My Dearest Michael

I've seen the things that many of your so-called fans are posting around the internet. I know it hurts you. I wish I could stop them. I wish that I could make them understand. I cannot, nor can you.

Although we have never met, we share a common bond, a disease that people condemn us for having. It is not fair, but it is as it is. This is one of those things that we cannot change.

As I type this, It's All About Love is playing on my media player. I know that you felt that, understood that, when it was written. Perhaps, as I did, you let that knowledge slip away. But it IS all about love in the end. We search for so many things to fill the void that we often lose sight of the love that is around us. And there is plenty of love around us. There is plenty of love around you. Not all of your fans are asssholes. Some of us love and understand. Some would never hurt you. Some see that you are a human being with faults just like the rest of us, and not some sort of guitar playing machine.

OK. Maybe I speak only for myself, but I am certain that I am not the only one. So, please, when life seems to be handing you more than your fair share, remember this:

You ARE loved!

Learning The Hard Way

On June 15, 1990 I thought that I had my LAST drink. I attended AA meetings regularly. Life was good. I had true friends and a belief in a higher power...

Time passed and I slowed my meeting attendence to nothing. I forgot what I was. Life went on. All still seemed well...

More time passed. Denial set in. I was not an alcoholic, I convinced myself. I did not want to be a freak of nature who could not have a drink. I could control my drinking, I knew. And so the cycle began again, slowly...

Then "the accident" happened. Something inside me snapped. I lost any faith that I had left in a higher power. All I wanted to do was be numb. As soon as possible, I started drinking heavily, every night. I remained sober in the day. I have to work in the day, so I still convinced myself that it was under control...

I eventually allowed my so-called friend who is an addict to move in with me. It seemed great at first. I covered for her, she covered for me...

Then things went sour. Our addictions were causing me to do things that made me feel disgusted with myself during my "sober" hours. I felt as though I was losing everything that I was. I was scared. I felt like a prisoner in my own home and could see no way out. I desperately clung to the one thing that was part of me that I could hold on to, Michael and his music...

As I looked at the titles of the songs on Thank You 3 one day, I remembered the first step in AA...
"We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable."
It was all I could think of. It was true, I knew...

I found the courage, real courage this time, to force my so-called friend to leave. I called the AA offices...

And so I begin again, one day at a time.

Wordless Wednesday

Something To Cheer Me

It has been a long hard day. The news from Dad's doctor was not good. Things are going to be getting really tough around here. I need something to raise my spirits.

Like this...

Manic Monday

What is one thing you would really regret not doing at some point in your life?
It would be very sad indeed if I never loved anyone. Even if I get hurt, it is better than not loving at all.

If you had to, how would you describe yourself in a personal ad?
Short and sassy!

What is one thing that you "know for sure"?
I am responsible for my own happiness. No one else can really give it to me, or take it away.

A Crazy Week

First my dad lands in the hospital for two days, for reasons we may never know...

Then there was the screw-up with the date of the birthday party of "The Estranged One's" mother...

Oh, and did I mention that my friend and I locked ourselves out of the house on the porch to nowhere. We had to sit there for over an hour until Michael got home to let us in. What a pair of idiots!

I always look forward to getting some rest on the weekend, but it seems like I never do.