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GUITARS ARE LIKE SEX...


That's why I love Michael Schenker!

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Happy Halloween!



Michael, darling, look out for those bitch...erm...witches on Halloween!

Monday, October 30, 2006

Oh, Please!

NO MORE JOKES ABOUT #2!

Obviously, Michael does not know of those popular potty euphemisms, with #2 being this...



Someone needs to enlighten him.

Dear Lord, please, NOT ME!!!

Sunday, October 29, 2006

The World's Oldest Female Metalhead

I am thoroughly convinced that I hold that title. My musical neighborhood on Last FM is mostly populated by European males in their twenties. There are a few males around my age, but no females anywhere near my age. Actually, there are very few females at all in my musical neighborhood...

I guess I just don't listen to "girly music." But then, I've never much liked any sort of girly stuff, why should my musical taste be any different?

Saturday, October 28, 2006

Name That Tune!

We all know that the tracks on Thank You 4.... do not have titles, they have freaking numbers! Something needs to be done about this.

Consider someone saying this casually to a friend:
"I was listening to #2 the other day..."

I think that this proves my point that these songs need titles!

Perhaps a contest should be held to get some. Those submitting winning titles could be awarded signed copies of the CD which bears the newly titled songs...

I would not be entering any of MY titles. The Queen of Snark is familiar with 12 step programs and, well that kinda gives me a bit of understanding of what all of those Thank You CDs are really about. It's just too difficult for me to contain my snark, and that just might make Michael cry. I'd hate myself if I did such a horrible thing as that!

OK, I hope that he never sees this post...

Some of my suggestions for titles...

They Took My Drugs Away And Now I'm Bored
The I Just Got Out Of Rehab Blues
It's Hard To Be Humble When You're This Damned Good
Gratitude Comes In Minor Keys
You're Takin' My Inventory And Comin' Up Short


You get the snarky picture...

Please don't be telling Michael about this...

Friday, October 27, 2006

Something In E Minor

I wonder how many tomes in boredom I have sat and played randomness on my guitar...
I wonder how may times that randomness was played in E minor...

I gravitate to minor keys like a moth to a flame. Sometimes The Angels is in E minor, as is Baby Blue Eyes. I wonder what this says about me...

It must be a revelation of the darker side of my personality.

Oh, come now, you never would have guessed that my personality has a darker side...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



The day that I dread is rapidly approaching. I must find something to do to fend off the depression...

Thirteen things that I can do on November 2 in lieu of the cancelled concert

1. Find the nearest Margarita Night and get completely wasted! Probably not a good idea...

2. Find this Bella Piper person and beat the living crap out of her. Also not such a good idea, but it sure would be fun!

3. The first response of the addictive personality being anger, is there anybody else I could beat up for you, Michael? I can take 'em!

4. Finish Sometimes The Angels and email it so that someone can have it as originally planned.

5. Order that damned guitar from Musician's Friend, and to hell with the cost. I don't need to eat anyway!

6. Read a good book. I've got them piled up everywhere, waiting to be read. This is probably the best idea so far, but it's so BORING!

7. Get some cheese to go with all of my "whine"!

8. Spend some quality time with"Rudolf".
*cough*
my favorite guitar, the 12 string Fender.

9. Compose my own little acoustic instumental. The title, Depression in E Minor.

10. Change the date on all of my calendars in the hope that I'll forget what day it is. As if that would really work!

11. Write a trashy X - rated fan fiction about what I had hoped would happen that night. No, That would just make me more depressed...

12. Surf You Tube for "Weird Al" videos to make me giggle!

13. Go to bed early for once in my life so that it will just be over!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Never Can Say Goodbye

The people from my workplace were going as a group to the "viewing" of our recenly departed friend tonight. I was not among them. It's not that I don't care, because I do. I find the odd custom of gathering around a dead body to be rather morbid and disturbing. I just can't handle it. I was dragged to so many of those damned things as a child...

I want to remember my friend when he was alive and making me laugh. I don't want to have my clearest memory of him become one of him lying dead in a casket, and that's what would happen if I went.

Perhaps I do feel just a bit guilty for not going, but it's for the best...

"Break the bread
Drink the wine
In my heart you'll live forever
The time to go is never right
When we say goodbye..."


Klaus Meine
lyrics from Eye To Eye

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Proverb

"If you Love something, set it free.
If it comes back, it is yours.
If it doesn't, it was never yours to begin with."


There is so much truth in these words. I cannot understand what joy there is to be derived from holding someone prisoner long after whatever once was has died. You can cling, hold onto what is no more, but you can never make someone love you, no matter how hard you try...

Forgive me. November 2 is rapidly approaching. I'm feeling rather morose.

Monday, October 23, 2006

Angry With God

It's not often that I post something so personal here, but I had some news this morning that really upset me. Now, I don't question the existence of a power greater than myself, God as so many like to call it, but I am convinced that this God is a sick, twisted being...

The news that I got was that a former co-worker has passed away recently. His name was Damon. He was a sweet, funny guy. I don't know a single person who could've said a word against him. He knew how to make people smile. He was only 42...


And just how did this dear young man die?
A brain tumor, much like what "the estranged one" had, and that bastard is alive and well.

It makes me sick that a sweet guy like Damon is gone, but that idiot that I had the misfortune of marrying lives on;
he loves his children in words only,
he doesn't support us at all,
he won't let go of a long dead relationship,
he derives joy from killing beautiful innocent creatures
(yeah, he hunts)
and he lives on.

It's just so fucking unfair!!!

If I am struck down by lightning, you'll all know why...

A wise old friend of mine once told me that if I'm angry with God I should let him know, so I'm telling him right now:

I'm fucking pissed!

* dodges lighting bolt *

Sunday, October 22, 2006

The Truth Is Told

In the past, I have been discussed many times on the message boards at The Scorpions website. I have no love for the freaks who hang out on fan forums, so their opinion of me matters little to nothing to me.

But what DO they think of me?

Why, that I hate Rudolf Schenker, of course!
After all, I've made remarks about his bottle blondeness and passing off his gray for blonde.
Oh my, I'm making fun of older guys, they said.
Excuse me! But there are members of the band who are younger than me (Pawel, James, and former member Ralph).
My remarks concerned is vanity and nothing else.

But do I hate him?

Well, I certainly wouldn't throw him out of my bed if I found him there...



Could any breathing female possibly HATE something that looks that good?
I think not!

But the truth be told, I think that he is an arrogant, self-serving creep who will step on anyone or anything that gets in the way of him getting what he wants, including (and especially) HIS OWN BROTHER!!!

Hate is such a strong word, but I will admit that I wouldn't mind knocking him around a bit.
(Never mind the fact that I'm a petite female. I could take him!)

Saturday, October 21, 2006

Left To My Own Devices

About a month ago, I was coerced into playing a few rounds of mini-golf by a certain person named Michael...
(No, not this one, unfortunately.)



Lucky me, at the conclusion of that little golfing session, I won a free round of mini-golf by putting my golf ball into the special bonus hole. I was awarded a coupon which expired in thirty days...

That thirty days was nearly up today, so...

I bestowed said coupon upon my golf-loving son (Michael) and his brother. Since the golf course is located inside Century III Mall, I was left to my own devices in the mall for far too long...

Dammit, there are music stores in there!

My purchases included:

The Very Best Of - Dokken
Blues Alive - Gary Moore
Greatest Hits - The Monkees
Feeling Strangely Fine - Semisonic

Add to this the fact that when my sister saw the Dokken CD, I was gifted her entire Dokken collection, and you know that I'm gonna be spending the entire night ripping music to my hard drive!

Friday, October 20, 2006

Food For Thought

Every Friday, over on Music Memoirs, there is a meme called the Top Five On Friday. The topic for this week was:

Top five worst songs by your favorite artist

I did it for The Scorpions over on my other blog, and I thought I might try it for Michael over here, until I realized something...

I couldn't think of a single song to put on the list!

I can say quite honestly that Michael, both solo and with his various band incarnations, has never done a song that I don't like, at least, not one that I've heard. Perhaps much of this is because Michael seems to steer clear of sappy ballads.

Originally, I was not fond of Jari Tiura, the band's new vocalist, but he eventually grew on me (just like a bad fungus)! Besides, he seems like a really sweet guy, and I couldn't dislike something that was done by such a sweetie, could I?

So, let's hear it for perfection.

YAY! Michael!

Thursday, October 19, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



Because being obsessive is so much fun...

Thirteen things that I love about Michael Schenker

1. Ooooo... the things that he can do with a guitar!

2. Those big, beautiful, haunted, blue eyes! He really shouldn't hide them behind dark glasses.

3. Two words, natural blonde!

4. His oddly naive, trusting nature. It's a bit frightening, but also very endearing.

5. So many songs in minor keys. A man after my own heart.

6. He's not afraid to tell the freaks to fuck off!

7. His website is not always "family friendly." (see #6)

8. His hands. It's so nice to see a guy who DOESN'T look like he's spent the afternoon with a manicurist!

9. His smile. He's not a grinning goober sort of guy. When he smiles it looks like he means it.

10. The way he loves his guitars. I love a man who is not afraid to hug his guitar. Now, if only he'd do something about those "stringy monsters."

11. At least he TRIED to make it to Pittsburgh...

12. The backwards hat thing he's got going on. Not every guy his age can pull that off without looking ridiculous.

13. Erm... His body. He may not be the Playgirl centerfold type that his brother is, but I prefer what he's got.

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

The Hump Day Hunks

'Cos it has been a miserable day and I need some loveliness to cheer me!



Mmmmm.... Big brother sure does come in a lovely package. It's a shame that I don't think there is much inside.



Michael will always be my favorite of the two...

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Adventures Illustrated

When I first saw the tracklisting for Adventures Of The Imagination I was torn between the desire to write lyrics for these songs and the desire to illustrate them.
It would seem that illustrating them has won out!



At The End Of The Day



Three Fish Dancing

Have you any idea how difficult it is to get a picture of exactly three fish?!

Should I ever come across an aardvark in a VW smoking a cigar...
Well... I'll probably be the only one who can see it and it will mean that I've either been hitting the sauce or I got my hands on some really interesting drugs!

Monday, October 16, 2006

It Came In The Mail!

All the way from Wedemark, Germany. In a hand adressed envelope.
Oooo... I love you, Michael!



It's simply beautiful, in spite of the fact that the songs lack titles. I'd love to talk to Michael about that...

Hell, I'd love to talk to Michael about ANYTHING!
I've never heard him speak.

I HAVE heard the sound of "the iceman's" voice. It can reduce me to a quivering pile of mush! Amazing that one so cold can cause me to melt.

I can only imagine what would happen to me upon hearing the voice of the warm, sweet brother...

Sunday, October 15, 2006

#1 Fan!

I wonder who could possibly be listed as the #1 fan of the Michael Schenker Group over on Last FM...
Could it possibly be little ol' me?!
Yesiree, it is!

Have I mentioned lately that I love Michael?!



I did?
Well, it's true!

Saturday, October 14, 2006

Gotta Catch 'Em All!

A few years ago, when Pokémon were all the rage, there was a website that mimicked the show, offering "pocket bishonen" for players to catch. If you answered a few questions about a given bishonen (male hottie, real or animated) correctly, you were rewarded with a badge which you could proudly display on your website.

Now that the Pokémon craze has passed, the site is no more. I had caught multitudes of bishonen while it was there, including all four Beatles and Weird Al, but there were so many more that I should have been able to catch! So...

I MADE MY OWN!!!



* giggles *

Friday, October 13, 2006

Arachnophobic!

It's Friday the Thirteenth, so I've gotta have a little bit of fun with album titles.

Check out this creepy arachnid!



You can bet that I used my camera's zoom feature to get this photo.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



It's that time of year again, the time when I start feeling really depressed, but it's not without good reason...

Thirteen things that are making me feel really down right now

1. The cancelled Michael Schenker concert. I was SO looking forward to that.

2. The weather has turned cold! I hate cold weather.

3. No Moody Blues concert since last October, and none scheduled in the near future. I miss the Moody Men, even Graeme!

4. I was reading the liner notes of Def Leppard's Adrenalize. They spoke of the months before Steve Clark's death. I adored Steve. So much of what was said frightens me. He was a lot like Michael...

5. It has been hellish at work this week. I haven't been home before 5:00 one single day!

6. I still haven't been able to procure a copy of Kelly Keeling's Giving Sight To The Eye.

7. I still haven't been able to get together with Brad. Dammit, I need to get laid!

8. My work on Sometimes The Angels is at a complete standstill. I hate when I come to these creative roadblocks.

9. I can't afford to purchase that replica Dean Flying V, and it's only $300!

10. I haven't heard from my friend Maria in Minsk for over a month. I'm worried about her.

11. Good God! I'm going to be 45 next month!!!!

12. I still haven't received my copy of Thank You 4.

13. I've been to tired to go to Curves a single day this week.

Now everybody join my little pity party!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

A Conversation At Work

It was another long hard day at work today, but not so long and hard that I didn't have time for a little conversation with one of my co-workers...

Mary Beth - "Did you get that CD that you ordered yet?"

Me - "Not unless you sorted it into my parcels today..."

Mary Beth - "No, I didn't."

Me - "I don't expect to get this one really fast. It's not coming from CD Universe. I ordered it from Michael's site, and I think that he mails 'em out himself, so be extra careful with it when it does arrive!!!!

Mary Beth jokes about how she is going to torture the poor CD when it finally does arrive, then asks seriously, "Who is this Michael Schenker, anyway?"

I run back to my desk to retrieve this to show her...



Mary Beth - "So, what does he sing?"

Me - "He doesn't. He's a guitarist..."

Mary Beth (looking baffled) - "Oh..."

Some people just don't understand,
IT'S ALL ABOUT THE GUITARS!!!!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

This Song Has No Title...

Media Player's shuffle feature brought that old Elton John tune from Goodbye Yellow Brick Road up for me over the weekend. Combine that with all of those Weird Al videos that I watched and those two titleless traks from Thank You 4, and you know that I've gotta have my own little parody going on in my head...

"This song has no title, no words, just a tune..."

Monday, October 09, 2006

You Never Know What You'll Find...

No, I 'm not quoting lyrics from My Time's Up, even though it may sound as though it is the case.

I was going through my purse, removing some unessential items when I discovered THIS in there...



EEK! That's the wrong brother! What the fuck is "the iceman" doing in my purse, and why doesn't someone send me some lovely photographs of Michael?!

Sunday, October 08, 2006

Suggested Career Change

While I was at Curves the other day, my great influence caused Holly (the owner) to go surfing Michael Schenker's website on the computer there.

"My, but he's looking rather scruffy," she says...



To which I replied, "Yeah, but in an oh-so-lovable sort of way!"

After this we got to talking about the stuff that thankfully was removed from the site. Stuff like the not-so-nice messages to Michael and such. I told her of my great desire to tell off those nasties and to prevent Michael from ever having to see that sort of shit...

Holly's response was rather enthusiastic. She thought that I could be a great corresponding secretary for Michael.

Hmmmmm... Sounds like a great career choice for me!
So, Michael, are you hiring?
I will work CHEAP!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Tag, You're It!

I like tags, I like them a lot! Tags are good. They tell me what I'm listening to, who is performing, what album it is from, and all manner of such good things. Tags are also a necessity for keeping track of the music that I listen to over on Last FM. I'm quite proud of the fact that in three short months I've made my way into the Top Fan listings of four artists...

Does anybody want to take a guess who they are?

The Scorpions, Wildhorses, Michael Schenker, &
Michael Schenker Group


In order for me to stay up there in the listings, my music needs to be properly tagged.

I also love freebies. So, of course, I downloaded the two tracks from Thank You 4 that Michael is offering on his website. Heaven only knows when the copy that I ordered will arrive in the mail! From the look of what I saw on the website, Michael mails them out himself, and love him though I do, he's not exactly Mr. Reliable!



The tracks are good quality. The songs are beautiful, an absolute testament to Michael's versatility. But the tags...

We've got performer tags. We've got album tags. We've got overly specific genre tags (acoustic instrumental)! What we don't have are song title tags. Track 1 and Track 10. ARRGH! There is no tracklisting for the album on the site, so I can't even tag the tracks properly myself, at least, not until that CD arrives.

MICHAEL!!!!

Friday, October 06, 2006

What A Girl Wants

OK, I am the proud owner of two tickets to a concert that ain't gonna happen. I can deal with that, BUT I want a freaking tour shirt or something. Preferably something small. I'm a size 6 and just a fraction of an inch over five feet tall, big ol' men's sized t-shirts swallow me whole! It sure would be nice if SOMEBODY would sell me one on his website...



*hint*

Actually right now the temperatures would seriously cause me to consider buying a jacket as well, no matter how freaking gi-normous it is! Brrrrr!

C'mon, hon, you know how much you can get for those things, and I'm more than willing to spend it. Get some merchandise up on the site. Earn yourself some bucks to keep little Ms. Psycho-Bitch paid and off your case. I'm certain I wouldn't be the only one buying.

Maybe then you could reschedule some U.S. tourdates, like Pittsburgh, perhaps....
I could really make that show worth your while!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

What Does The Music Say?

No matter what some some songwriters may have to say, I fimly believe that the music that one writes reveals a lot about that person. This applies to all parts of the song, melody and lyrics...

Okay, just listen to the stuff that Michael writes. Unfortunately, he doesn't do lyrics. There is something about the way that he seems to wander off into someplace so far away in spots and amazingly somehow find his way back that speaks so loudly to me of who he is...

But what of the music that I write?
The fact that just about everything that I write is in some minor key must certainly say something about me. And the lyrics nearly always involve something or someone that means a lot to me. Snarky love songs like Baby Blue Eyes and sappy love songs like the yet to be completed Sometimes The Angels are quite typical of what I write.

How is it that this self-proclaimed cynic writes so many love songs? What can I say to justify this?
Perhaps that inside every cynic beats the heart of a romantic that has been kicked around one too many times...

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Top Five Tracks

Music is my constant companion, but what am I listening to most often?

According to Last FM these are the five tracks that I've listened to most often since signing on in July 2006...

1. Michael Schenker Group – The Mess I've Made (131)
2. Michael Schenker Group – Dreams Inside (122)
3. Michael Schenker Group – Tell a story (113)
4. Michael Schenker – At the End of the Day (105)
5. Michael Schenker Group – My Time's Up (102)

No surprises there, I suppose.
You have to go pretty damned far down my list of top tracks before you find one by a band that doesn't include someone named Schenker...

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Nothing Is Free

At least that is what Mrs. Thompson told me.

"Nothing in life is free, not even love..."

I've been pondering this for a while, and for the most part it seems to be true.Everything in life does seem to have some sort of cost attached...

I'll love you, if you do this or don't do that...
I'll love you if you give me things...
I'll love you as long as you remain beautiful...

Are dogs the only beings in the world capable of giving unconditional love?

Can any of us truly love "the soul behind the face"?



I should like to think so...
Everyone deserves a bit of unconditional love from someone who only has two legs!

Monday, October 02, 2006

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of This

Since getting my new DSL connection, it has become my habit to fall asleep with music playing on my laptop.

My choice of music is this:



This makes for very sweet dreams, indeed!
The other night, I was whipping out leads on my 12 string in my sleep with Michael!!!


The only thing that could make bedtime more fun would be if Michael were really with me...

Sunday, October 01, 2006

Why This Schenker-Lust?

I never really considered big blonde guys to be my type. How did this happen to me?

I can think of several reasons...

I love a man with a guitar, especially if he can really make it scream. I may be no more than a third-rate rhythm guitarist, but it's an important common ground for me. I made the mistake of marrying a man without a musical bone in his entire body and we all know how well THAT worked out...
* oozing sarcasm *

Then there are those big, blue, haunted eyes of his. The eyes are mirrors of the soul, or so they say. Michael must have a beautiful soul. I could stare into those eyes forever...

But mostly I think that what really does it is his desperate desire (need) to be loved. One trip to his website and I could see it. For all that life has beaten him up, he remains naive and trustng, almost childlike. In some ways this frightens me, but mostly it makes me want to hold him close and protect him from the cruelty of the world....

the nasty "fans"
those who would use him then toss him aside
those who expect him to be nothing more than an eternal fuck-up
those who look at him and can't see anything but the guitar...



"Is this lust?
Is love?
Whatever it is
I can't get enough..."