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GUITARS ARE LIKE SEX...


That's why I love Michael Schenker!

Saturday, September 30, 2006

Meet The Family!

I'd like to introduce you to my guitars.

This is Blackie!



He was named after Eric Clapton's guitar, and he looks just like him!

This is Klaus...



It looks like he has been spending some time at the dog track!

And this is Rudolf!



My Fender DG16 12 string is my favorite. I wish that I had not named him after "the iceman"...

Alas, I have no photo of Matthias.
I shall have to remedy that situation. After all, I DID let my greedy little nephew cheat me out of $200 to get him!

Friday, September 29, 2006

Weekend Project

The weekend is upon us. The sulk has ended. All is right in the world. It's time for me to get to work. I vow to start to work on the second verse of Sometimes The Angels this weekend. Ideas were starting to form in my mind for it today while I was on the route. It's amazing how inspirational it can be, riding around alone in that mail truck for four freaking hours!

I need to get those ideas in a document before I lose them.
Old age and all!
When I was a teenager, I could write three or four songs in a day, but now...
I think it has something to do with the cynicism that life has caused to set in on me.

Hmmmm....
Perhaps I can still give the completed product to Michael on November 2. I could just email it to him...

It's a thought.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



The great sulk appears to be over. Michael's site is back up and running, thankfully, sans all of that stuff tht really never should have been there. Could it be that he actually paid attention to what I had to say in the email I sent him?
No matter, it's good to know that he's at least somewhat okay. I will no longer go to bed worrying whether he is lying dead somewhere. This really was my greatest fear for the past few weeks!

In celebration, this week's Thursday Thirteen is:

Thirteen ways that I could tell Michael Schenker that I love him
(Prudes beware! This could get a bit racy.)

1. In English, "I love you."

2. In German, "Ich liebe dich."

3. In French, "Je t'aime."

4. Make sweet love to him, all night long!


5. A gift of a single blood red rose is said to be an expression of true love...


6. Toss him one of my 34 D's if he ever makes it to Pittsburgh!

7. Hugs & kisses, plenty of 'em!


8. Sometimes The Angels completed and scored.

9. More likely, my guitar and me and the same song sung for him.

10. Take on anybody and everybody who chooses to give him a hard time!
I've already done a bit of this, in response to some nasty reviews of The Unforgiven at CD Universe
If you want to see what I had to say, EngelMeine is the name that I used for my review.

11.Buy that personalised copy of Thank-You 4 next payday.
Nothing says, "I love you" like money in the bank!

12. Another song written with him in mind, this one a REAL love song.

13. I wouldn't be averse to doing a bit of this for him...

I'm such a bad girl!

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

The Hump Day Hunk

Mmmmmmm....
I just can't get enough of this picture!



It's not often that we get to see Michael baring so much flesh.
Lovely...


And lest I forget, I'll say it again...

"I love you, Michael!"


Obsessive little bitch, ain't I?!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

With A Little Help From My Friend

A while back, I asked a (male) friend of mine if he'd be willing to offer me a bit of help writing the guitar parts for Sometimes The Angels. At the time I was feeling a pressing need to have the song completed by November so that I could give it to Michael. That is no longer an issue. I guess that I can take my time and do it all myself.

The thing is that I only asked this guy to help me as a way to get into his bed. I still want to do that. We spoke today, and he wants to know when we're going to get together to work on the song. I wonder if I should throw something else together quickly, or maybe I should just let him offer his aid on Baby Blue Eyes...

I really want Michael's song to be completely my work at this point.

This whole sulking thing and all that caused it has gotta end some day. Michael WILL come to Pittsburgh...EVENTUALLY!

But, hey, I've got needs, and my friend is just the one to take care of them. He knows who I am and what I'm about. But can our friendsip remain intact if I go to bed with him? I don't want that to change. I don't want a committed relationship. I've had my fill of those. In short, I'm scared.

Oh, hell! I'm throwing "Rudolf" in my car tommorrow and stopping by his place after work (if all goes well). Wish me luck!

Wait, I am mistaken. There is ONE committed relationship that I would accept. That would be if it were with Michael Schenker. But at this point in time, even the possibility of a one night stand with him is but a remote possibility...

But I've gotta say it to him again, anyway...

Michael,



Damn, I'm one fucked-up piece of work. In love with one man that I can't have, and contemplating hopping into bed with a good friend...

Monday, September 25, 2006

I'm Gonna Say It Again!

Because someone needs to hear it...

Namely, this man.




I LOVE YOU!

I just don't understand how anyone could possibly NOT love you...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Music To Sulk By

OK, Michael, you've really got a sulk going on there.
Will it never end?
Perhaps the right music will help you to put things in perspective, so I've created this ten song playlist that should, if nothing else, bring you a bit of amusement, considering your current situation and your (and other's) remarks about it...

1. Devil Woman - Cliff Richard
2. Bad Love - Eric Clapton
3. You Never Give Me Your Money - The Beatles
4. Witchy Woman - The Eagles
5. You Give Love A Bad Name - Bon Jovi
6. Used To Love Her - Guns N' Roses
7. Shut Up! - Simple Plan
8. Destroyed By You - Vanilla Ninja
9. She Hates Me - Puddle Of Mud
10. Where Do I Hide? - Nickelback


Oh, and one more bonus track...
Last minute addition from me...

11. Do You Me That Much? - Peter Cetera

And my answer is:
Yes, Michael, I do!

The language of tonight is French...



Now, go give these songs a listen, have a giggle, and get that fucking sulk off!!!

Feel free to cover any of these songs on the next endless jam, especially Witchy Woman (if you promise to do the vocals).
I may love you, but I've also got an ornery streak!

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Inspiration?

To think that all of this Schenker-lust of mine started because I was absolutely intrigued by the titles of the songs on Adventures Of The Imagination.

Aardvark In A VW Smoking A Cigar
?!?!

Whatever could have inspired such a title? Drugs?
For Michael's sake, I hope that was not the case...

I can't help but thinking that maybe it was this.



Yeah, I realize that Rudolf is NOT an aardvark and he's not in a VW, but he IS smoking a cigar. That's gotta count for SOMETHING!

I also realize that this picture was taken after the song was written, but I'm quite certain that this wasn't the first cigar that Rudolf ever smoked, so...

It brings me joy to think that Michael just may have been getting in a veiled dig at his older brother, the iceman, with this song title!

* giggles *

And I'm gonna say it again today
(and every day until someone gets the sulk off).

Michael...

Friday, September 22, 2006

I Want To Give You My Money

I really, really, REALLY want to purchase a personalized copy of that Thank-You 4 CD, but if SOMEBODY doesn't get the sulk off, I just can't do it!!!!

Hmmmm... I wonder who it could be.
This man, perhaps?!



C'mon! You know that you want my money. Hell, considering your current situation, you NEED my money! So, ignore the shitheads and get the site back up so that I can give it to you.

Oh, and one more thing, Michael dear...



And I'm gonna keep saying it until you really believe that there IS someone out there who loves you!!!!

Thursday, September 21, 2006

How To Get A Sulk Off...

Michael, darling, it's time to act your age and quit sulking around like a teenager.
How many times must we tell you that we love you?
Well, at least I know that I love you...

You've been done wrong, and let's face it, there is nothing in this world sweeter than revenge...

SO GET SOME!!!!

Here are some suggestions from the "evilest" corners of my heart...

Psyco-bitch says that you owe her money. Well pay her. You should deliver it to her personally, in all freaking pennies! That should keep her occupied for a while....

Then there is the ultimate revenge, but it's a bit more difficult and might require some sacrifice on your part. You could sue her for custody of the little schenkerlings. If you win, she gets to pay YOU child support!
* laughs evilly *
I told you that this option wasn't easy!

Now about those constantly changing vocalists...

Option #1: You could just try singing yourself. You couldn't possibly leave yourself high and dry! Don't give me any of that "I can't sing" crap! Eric Clapton didn't think that he could sing either...

Option #2: I know of a certain singer/songwriter/guitarist who would be willing to work with you dirt cheap. Hell, she'd do it for free if you let her share your bed.
Um... Yeah, I'm talking about ME!!!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Hump Day Hunks

The beautiful Brothers Schenker, snagged from Michael's website before he got the sulk on...



Of course, one brother is more beautiful than the other...
C'mon I really don't have to say which one, Do I?!
(Michael!!!!)

Sorry, Rudolf...
But you do have a mighty fine ass!

Now go get a pair of nice tight ripped jeans, Michael...
And TURN AROUND!!!!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Sometimes The Angels

Work on the song about my favorite "fallen angel" continues....



I've finally made it to the point where I feel comfortable sharing the lyrics to the first verse.
Keep in mind that I had actually begun work on this BEFORE I got sucked in to the fucked-up mess that is Michael's life...

Sometimes The Angels
(Verse 1)

"It's a cold heartless world where you live
All around you people take until there's nothing left to give
They just don't understand what's the cost
A broken heart and shattered dreams, your innocence is lost
No one ever stops to ask you why
And sometimes even the angels will cry..."


Of course, these lyrics are subject to change in the finished product,but they're pretty much what I'm looking for.

Monday, September 18, 2006

Let's Talk About Fans...

I always thought that fans were supposed to be people who genuinely liked an artist.
Obviously I was mistaken.

My experience with Moody Blues fans taught me that they are mostly a bunch of self serving idiots who think that they are photographers. They believe that the sun rises and sets out of Justin Hayward's ass, and don't give a shit about the rest of the band. A real bunch of nasty wankers...

But these people are a bunch of sweethearts compared to Michael Schenker's so called fans...

The cancelled U.S. tour has really brought the assholes out of hiding. One moron actually told him to fuck off!

Michael, bless his cotton socks, gave it right back to him, but he really shouldn't have to put up with that kind of abuse!

Another called him an asshole, then later apologized.
How sweet of her. Does she really think that made it hurt any less?

Do any of these people realize that they're dealing with a human being? Perhaps they think that Michael doesn't have any feelings left to hurt...

WELL HE DOES!!!!

No wonder he's got a major sulk going on...

Michael has been quite open about the problems he's having right now. (A bit too open, if you ask me.) He deserves love and support, not a bunch of fucking insults. If you can't give that, then you are the one who should fuck off!

As for me, I shall always love Michael, no matter what!



I only hope that he doesn't do anything stupid because of the way that these people are treating him...

Sunday, September 17, 2006

That Groupie Thing

It's mid-September and I'm depressed. It won't be long before the long cold winter is upon me. I've lost the one thing that I was looking forward to, Michael's concert in Pittsburgh in November...



No, Michael, I don't blame you!
You've got your problems and you've gotta take care of them.
You are taking care of them, aren't you?!
I really am worried about you...

All of my fantasies of doing the groupie thing with Michael are now like dust in the wind...

I am not unexperienced in doing such things, I've had myself an internationally famous rock star once before, a drummer. I will not name any names. I have no regrets. It was fun, even though he was probably about the last rock star in the world that I would have chosen to have this sort of encounter with...

I know the score. I am not some star crazed teenager. I understand the meaning of a one night stand. I need no empty promises. I wish that the aforementioned drummer had realized that. His empty promises made me feel uncomfortable, because I knew what they were as he made them.

Could I have possibly have maintained this level of detachment from Michael?
It would be difficult, since I genuinely care about him.
I may never know...

I'll be off now to cry in my root beer...

Saturday, September 16, 2006

Meet My Desktop!



Wow! that's something to make me enjoy turning on my computer!

Now, will someone please remove my tongue from the keyboard?!

Friday, September 15, 2006

How Much Do You Love Your Guitars?

My own little take on the quiz thing...

Do you love yours as much as I love mine?
My responses are underlined and explained.

1. Have you ever slept with one of your guitars? (Be honest)
a) No, that's just sick!
b) Yes, because it treats me better than anybody else does!
I confess that the first night that I had my Fender DG 16, I took it to bed with me...

2. Do your guitars have names?
a) Only the names that were given to them by the manufacturer.
b) Of course they do! You wouldn't leave your children nameless, would you?
My guitars are Blackie, Matthias, Klaus, and Rudolf. When I have $300 to spare, Michael will join their ranks...

3. Have you ever paid too much for a guitar because you just had to have it?
a) No, I am a conscientious consumer.
b) Yes, you can't put a price tag on love.
I gave my greedy little nephew $200 for an old Washburn electric guitar that his dad discovered in the attic of their rental property.

4. There is dust on your favorite guitar. What do you do?
a)Nothing, a little bit of dust never hurt anything.
b) Quick! Someone get the Lemon Pledge!
Guitars should always look as good as they sound!

5. Your house is burning down. Your family (including your pets) has escaped safely. You have time to go back and retrieve one material object. What is it?
a) An old family photo album
b) Your favorite guitar
I'll always have my memories. I don't need those photos!

How did you do?

If your responses were mostly b's, like mine, you truly love your guitars.

If your answers were mostly a's, you should be ashamed of yourself. You don't REALLY love your guitars.

Now go someplace and give them a big hug!



* LOL *
Excuse to post cute Michael Schenker photo!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



Thirteen things that I'd like to do with Michael Schenker
Yeah, I'm being obsessive. So, sue me!

1. Make sweet love to him!
You knew that would be first on my list, didn't you?

2. Remove those "stringy monsters" (long unclipped strings) from his guitars.
I'll bite 'em off if I have to!

3. One woman, one man acoustical jam!
I'd feel inadequate, but maybe he'd be willing to teach me a thing or two.

4. Write some lyrics for those interestingly titled songs on Adventures of the Imagination.
I think that we should start with Aardvark in a VW Smoking a Cigar.

5. Show him why mirrors on the ceiling are more fun...
Much more fun than just watching someone else, trust me!!!

6. Drag his ass to a few AA and/or NA meetings.
Judging by the sulk (tantrum) he's got going on, he needs them.

7. Find out the names of all of those gorgeous flying Vs of his.
'Cos with the way he loves 'em, I know that they've gotta have names!

8. Another Endless Jam.
There are SO many other songs that I'd love to hear him cover! I could be his "back-up bimbo"!

9. Just let him ramble on and on about anything for hours.
Some girls are turned on by French accents. For me it's German...

10. Run my fingers through that beautiful naturally blonde hair.
Such a rarity!

11. Beg him to please, pretty please, let me try out some of those beautiful Flying Vs.
I promise not to hurt them!

12. Go out for a fun-filled drug and alcohol-free night on the town.
It CAN be done!

13. Hold him close and tell him that I love him.
Because I think that Michael really needs a lot of love right now.

Ha! I bet you guys thought that these would all be X rated!
Fooled ya!

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

An Open Letter To Michael Schenker

Because this bears repeating here...

Michael,

What is this that you are doing? Pitching a tantrum? You're a grown man, it doesn't become you. Honestly, shutting people out never solved anything. Yeah, there are a lot of "sharks" in the water in the business that you've chosen, but there are some friendly fish as well. Don't go doing things that you'll live to regret just because of a few (or even a lot of) assholes! There are plenty of people who understand your current problems and really do care about what happens to you.

I've told you, I know that Jari has told you, and god only knows how many others have as well, calm down. You're angry, understandably so. People are using you. Take charge. Don't let it go on any longer. Channel the anger into making things better. I don't know you personally, but I have faith in you that you CAN do this!

Remember:
"This, too shall pass..."

Yeah, I'm throwing AA/NA-isms at you. You didn't think that you had any anonymity left, did you? If it's any consolation, now neither do I!

This Holger person of whom you speak, I take it that he handles business/financial matters for you. He obviously does not have your best interests at heart. I don't care if he's an old friend, family member, or whatever, you need to fire his sorry ass and find someone who does!

As for this Bella person, you can't undo that which you have already done. If she's got court ordered support, you've got no choice but to pay her. They will throw your ass in jail if you set foot in the U.S. if you don't. If as you claim, the money was sent, for crying out loud find out where it went. It could be that someone else is extorting you. Dammit, don't just sit around stewing about it. DO SOMETHING!

And while I'm on the subject, you do know that this whole situation could have been prevented. If you want to "spread the love around" that's your business, but protect yourself! I'm quite certain that this creepy "lady" isn't the only one willing to spawn one or more little "Schenkerlings" in order to collect her piece of the money and fame pie for the next 18 -22 years...

OK, I've had my say. You can listen or not. That's up to you. Just understand that what I said was said out of (dare I say it) love. If you've still got the original email that I sent you, please, send me some kind of response. I don't care if it's a "Fuck you, bitch, mind your own business!" I only want to know if you're okay...

Love,

Deborah

I must really care, 'cos I'm signing my real name to this.

P.S. Here is a little piece of the lyrics to a song that this third-rate guitarist is working on. I was going to give you the completed product at a certain concert in November, but since that ain't going to happen...

"Sometimes even the angels may fall
Crashing down
To the ground
While others have it all

Sometimes even the angels will cry
Unforgiven are their sins
On broken wings they fly

Sometimes even the angels may fall..."


It's sort of for/about you. I hope you understand...