<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/plusone.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar.g?targetBlogID\x3d34357274\x26blogName\x3dGuitars+Are+Like+Sex...\x26publishMode\x3dPUBLISH_MODE_BLOGSPOT\x26navbarType\x3dSILVER\x26layoutType\x3dCLASSIC\x26searchRoot\x3dhttp://sheschenker.blogspot.com/search\x26blogLocale\x3den_US\x26v\x3d2\x26homepageUrl\x3dhttp://sheschenker.blogspot.com/\x26vt\x3d-1263406536145113566', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script> <div id="header">

GUITARS ARE LIKE SEX...


That's why I love Michael Schenker!

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

A Legacy Of Laughter

Scattered about Grandma's house were many papers on which she had written little jokes and witticisms. There were also several jokes that had been typed or photocopied. The joke that follows must have been one of her favorites, because there were several copies.

Behold the wit of my ornery Grandma!

Father Murphy was a priest in a very poor parish.He asked for suggestions as to how to raise money for his church. He was told that horse owners always had money, so he went to a horse auction, but made a very poor buy, the horse turned out to be a donkey! However,he thought he might as well enter the donkey in the races.

The donkey came in third, and the next morning the headlines in the paper read - "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS SHOWS." The archbishop saw the paper and was very displeased. The next day the donkey came in first and the headlines read - "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS OUT IN FRONT." The archbishop was up in arms and figured that something had to be done. In the meantime Father Murphy had entered the donkey for the third race and it came in second. Now the headlines declared - "FATHER MURPHY'S ASS BACK IN PLACE." The archbishop thought thiss is too much so he forbade the priest to enter the donkey the next day, which inspired the local editor to write - "ARCHBISHOP SCRATCHES FATHER MURPHY'S ASS."

When the archbishop heard this, he ordered the priest to get rid of the donkey. He was unable to sell it, so he gave it to Sister Agatha for a pet. The news headlines then read - "NUN OWNS BEST ASS IN TOWN." When the archbishop heard this, he ordered Sister Agatha to dispose of the animal at once. She sold the donkey for ten dollars. The next day the headlines read - "SISTER AGATHA PEDDLES HER ASS FOR TEN DOLLARS."

They buried the archbishop three days later.

Monday, April 28, 2008

If I Could Have Just One More Day

To Spend With You, Grandma

We'd break out the Scrabble board and deck of cards and play games. I would never once mention that you were cheating.

I'd tell you once again about how I really don't ever want those things that you said I could have when you were gone, because I want to have you with me forever.

But most of all, I'd tell you as many times as I could how much I love you...

Saturday, April 26, 2008

In Rememberence



Emma Jane Rehula
March 10, 1907 - April 26, 2008
My beloved Grandma

Why is it that although she was on this earth for one hundred one years, two months, two weeks, and two days, it still seems all to short?
Are we ever really ready to say goodbye to the people that we love?
And don't we all wish that we could say, "I love you" just one more time?
Of course, in Grandma's case we all must remember that she loves us more...

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Eight Days A Week

Well, in fact, it's onl six, but it feels like eight.
That's what the USPS has decided that I have to work. They lie and cheat every time that our mail count comes around in an attempt to cut our pay (Rural Carriers are salaried employees). Yes, they increase your postage, and cut our pay...

In my case, they've screwed themselves. Before this count, I was paid for forty hours a week at about $20 per hour and my sub for eight at about $10 per hour. Now I will be paid for forty hours a week at $20 per hour PLUS four hours at $30 per hour (built in overtime). Do the math, postal management! Those four extra hours of mine are equal to twelve hours of my sub working. And since you pay NO benefits to our subs there is no benefit in your doing this at all. You could have saved yourselves some money by letting me opt out of the count and leaving my evaluation alone! You are nothing but a bunch of FUCKING MORONS!
You claim to care about employee morale. Yeah, right! On paper...
Really, I would have been happy if things were left as they were. My sub would have been happy. You would have saved money...
Instead you opt to make my life miserable by taking away my free time, to no one's benefit, not even your own!

The National Association of Rural Mail Carriers has filed a grievence regarding this count. Surely they will win as they have before. Postal management's behavior will once again be called reprehensible by a judge. We will be awarded a large lump sum payment. Unfortunately, you canot give me back the time that would have been better spent with my family and friends. You see, for me, it's not about the money. I seek my riches in better places.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Patriotic Lawn Puppy



He's celebrating a huge Hillary Clinton victory in the Great State of Pennsylvania.
I think that I'll join him.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Manic Monday

Who is the black sheep in your family/group?
I'm not ashamed to admit it...
No matter which branch of the family tree, I am always the black sheep

If you were a character from a book, what character would you be?
I can be alien, PLZ!
I want to be the Atevi female, Jago, from CJ Cherryh's Foreigner series. This tough but beautiful alien creature is not only bodyguard to the blonde, blue eyed, human Padhi, Bren Cameron, she also gets to share his bed...
Interspecies sex with aliens, how exciting!

What's your favorite accent?
I suppose that it's no big secret that guys with German accents really turn me on.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Born At The Right Time

You Belong in the Baby Boomer Generation

You fit in best with people born between 1943 and 1965.
You are optimistic, rebellious, and even a little self centered.
You still believe that you will change the world.
You detest authority and rules. Deep down, you're a non conformist.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Payday?!

I got a check in the mail today. It's not often that I get one of those, usually I get scads of fucking BILLS!

But I was a good citizen and served one day as...



Yes, I got the dreaded jury duty. One whole day wasted, sitting in a gloomy courthouse, waiting to not be selected for any trial.

My compensation for my boredom:
A whopping $17.33!
And that figure includes $8.33 for travel expenses.
I'll try not to spend it all in one place...

Friday, April 18, 2008

My Slogan

Your Slogan Should Be

How Do You Handle a Hungry Man? Sheschenker.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Michelle Schenker?

Does my Gaia avatar sort of look like a female Michael Schenker?



I wasn't really trying, but I've been told that it does!

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Seals Need YOU!

The European Commission is considering proposing a ban on the trade of seal products in the European Union. Several countries have already ended their trade in seal products or announced their plans to do so. By closing down markets for seal products, we can ensure no more seals are clubbed or shot for their fur.

I hope you'll sign a petition in support of an EU ban on trade in seal products. It only takes a minute.

Click here.

Thanks for joining me in ending these cruel seal hunts.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Manic Monday

Is there anything for which you would willingly give your life?
I can think of some things that I'd be willing to kill for, but not a single thing that I'd be willing to die for...
Self-sacrifice just isn't in my nature.

How would you communicate with someone if you didn't share a common language?
This reminds me of a time when I was stuck in a strange place with a pack of cigarettes and no lighter...
I happened upon two people smoking and chatting in a language that I did not understand, a few simple gestures did the trick!
The people then revealed to me that they did speak English, and we had a rather nice conversation for the next hour or so.

Where is your ideal place/location to have a wedding?
NOWHERE!
Marriage is an outdated institution that needs to be abolished.

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Random Ten

A weekly meme, found at The Music Memoirs.

10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend playlist...and one picture that relates back.
(oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)

What do you get when you cross the my musical taste with that of a friend living in Berlin, Germany?

Let's see...

1. The Doobie Brothers – Long Train Runnin'
2. Bon Jovi – Social Disease
3. Great White – Move It
4. Wire – Reuters
5. The Duke Spirit – The Step And The Walk
6. John Lennon – Instant Karma
7. Dokken – Into the Fire
8. Black Rebel Motorcycle Club – Shuffle Your Feet
9. Amy Winehouse – Rehab
10. Dr. Hook – Cooky and Lila


Now, that's one freaky streaming audio station!

And now for the picture...



Me with English language animé voice actor, Lex Lang.
Lousy picture of me, but he really pretties it up!

Friday, April 11, 2008

It's That Building!



The "Giant Penis In The Sky!"
Michael gets so ticked off when Andrea and I call it that.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

What The Well Dressed Lawn Is Wearing

Wednesday, April 09, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Going For A Walk

Blogthing style...

What Your City Walk Means

You are adventurous and easygoing. You love life, as long as you don't have to do anything hard.

You are generally confident and friendly with strangers. You are well mannered and sociable.

Money is not important to you at all. In fact, you tend to reject material concerns.

You enjoy the world around you, and you thrive on new environments. You can be easily surrounded by natural or man made beauty.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Manic Monday

Is there any question you can't look up the answer to on the internet?
I doubt that there is any question that has been left unanswered on the internet.
Are these answers correct?
Now, that's an entirely different question.

Invent a new word that you feel would improve the language and define it.
I am greatly annoyed when people make the grammatical error of using a plural pronoun to refer to a singular noun.

Example:
This could be very dangerous for your child. Please warn them about it.

I fully understand the reason for this is the lack of an appropriate non-gender specific pronoun.
I will now create these desperately needed pronouns...
sheem, and the posessive shis

What is your favorite texture?
Nothing feels quite as nice as silk!

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Random Ten

A meme brought to you by The Music Memoirs

10 songs that sum up your weekend...or were on your weekend playlist...and one picture that relates back.
(Oh, and if you feel like it, tell us why you picked the songs you did)

I decided to be really random this week, so I set my media player on all music, shuffle...

1. (I'd Go The) Whole Wide World - The Monkees
2. Dogs Of War - Saxon
3. Lean On Me - The Moody Blues
4. Boogaloo Down Broadway - Paul Revere & The Raiders
5. Smoke On The Water - Rock Aid Armenia
6. Snow Queen - Rose Tattoo
7. Do You Love Me That Much - Peter Cetera
8. No Turning Back - Michael Schenker Group
9. Only A Man - Scorpions
10. Sexy - Bernie Barlow


Now that's a really weird mix!

And now for the picture...



Today was the last day of Lobsterfest at Red Lobster.
Anyone care to guess what I had for dinner?

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Random Blogthing

You Are a Red Flower

A red flower tends to represent power, seduction, and desire.
At times, you are loving like a red tulip.
And at other times, you're very enthusiastic, like a bouvardia.
And more than you wish, your passion is a bit overwhelming, like a red rose.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Beware Of Weeping Angels!

Or "Why my friend Chuck's house creeps me out"...



Damn that Dr. Who!

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Wordless Wednesday

Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Spring Is Here!



Flowers are finally beginning to bloom outdoors.
YAY!