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GUITARS ARE LIKE SEX...


That's why I love Michael Schenker!

Thursday, November 30, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



I got my paystub today, and realized that I'll be carrying over a little more than three weeks of vacation time into next year. Obviously I need to take a little more time off work, so this week's thirteen is...

Thirteen things that I could do if I took those vacation days

1. Clean my house. (Yeah, right!)

2. Spend some quality time with Rudolf, Blackie, Matthias, and Klaus. (My guitars)

3. Finish some of the many musical projects that I've started, like Sometimes The Angels.

4. Go to Wheeling Island for some serious gambling and eating!

5. Sleep until noon!

6. Search yet again for my missing guitars. Maybe I'll miraculously find them.

7. Beat "the estranged one" senseless and force him to tell me what he did with those missing guitars.

8. Work on my unfinished writing projects. There are many.

9. Read a couple of books.

10. Shop 'til I drop!

11. Bake cookies.

11. Catch up on the laundry that is piling up.

12. Run away!

13. Sit around and just vegetate!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Does This Surprise Anyone?

The artists that I listened to the most last week...



What do you mean, you're not surprised?!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Don't Need An I-pod

Who needs an I-pod when you can have one of these?


Its 5G hard drive is big enough to hold my entire Scorpions and Michael Schenker (including UFO) collections with plenty of room to spare.

The question remains, What else should I put on there?

More metal? Classic rock? Seasonal favorites?

I'm open to suggestions...

Monday, November 27, 2006

Music To Sleep By


Yes, I am one of those people who must fall asleep with backround noise. Give me silence and I will remain wide-eyed and awake. My backround sound of choice is music, of course.

Do I have any particular music that I like playing when I go to sleep?

Just check my "Now Playing" chart. When tracks from Adventures Of The Imagination and Thank You 4 are playing exclusively, I am in bed, hopefully having sweet dreams of Michael Schenker!
(That's why I choose those two albums as my sleep playlist)

I was once asked what musician I would like to have sing me to sleep. I replied that there would be no singing in my bedroom, I wanted Michael Schenker to play me sweet melodies on his guitar. A rather unrealistic idea, really. If I had Michael in my bedroom, I highly doubt that there would be much guitar playing (or sleeping) going on!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

By Special Request



A Christmas parody that's sure to make you giggle!

Be Claus I Got High - Bob Rivers

Bob Rivers is to Christmas music what "Weird Al" is to the rest of the music world.
Gotta love him!

I will not ask how many of you can really relate to the lyrics of this song, nor will I confess to how well I do...

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Too Many Leftovers?

With Thanksgiving day two days in the past, is there still a deceased bird occupying a lot of space in your refrigerator?
Do you wish that the bird would just go away?!

This song should bring you a giggle:

The Turkey Song - The Damned



Now stop your laughing and go out there and eat that leftover turkey!

Friday, November 24, 2006

Things That Annoy Me

Seeing my age on my Last FM profile page!

Know-it-alls who actually don't know shit!
See my earlier rant about redaxe90.

Being asked to go to work early.

People who think that postal workers have psychic powers.

Nasty fans.

NaNoWriMo.
Everybody think's that he can write the great American novel. Oye-vey!

Holidays! The only thing that any of them are good for is a day off work with pay.

Yeah, I'm feeling a tad bitchy today...

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



It's Thanksgiving Day here in the U.S., so this week's thirteen is all about gratitude.
(Why do I suddenly feel like I'm at an AA meeting?!)

Thirteen things that I'm thankful for

1. My paycheck, not my job, just the paycheck!

2. Michael Schenker. Wait, shouldn't he be #1?!

3. Michael, the other one, my son who will do any housework that I don't want to, for a fee, of course!

4. Andrea, my sister and best friend.

5. The new addition to my route that gave me my Saturdays off after eight years of working six days a week.

6. CD Universe, one of the only places that actually stocks music that I like.

6. My new DSL internet connection. I'm still amazed by the speed after being on dial-up for so many years!

7. Miss Clairol, 'cos I ain't never going gray!

8. The 99ยข any size cup of coffee at Sheetz.

9. My beautiful guitars. Can't forget them!

10. The Scorpions. They're this far down the list because they don't even TRY to get their asses to Pittsburgh.

11. My camera/mp3 player/cell phone. Such a nifty device!

12. Atlantic City, New Jersey, THE place where I go once a year to get away from it all.

13. Chocolate, the food with so many magical powers!

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Wherever I Go, There You Are!

That's how I feel about a certain other user over on Last FM. Every group that I join, there he is. I suppose that it is obvious that we like the same music, in spite of what the site's Taste-o-Meter says.

The guy calls himself reaxe90. He's 38 and from Iceland.

So what is the problem?

Quite frankly, there is something about the guy that irritates the shit out of me! Actually, there are lots of things about the guy that irritate the shit out of me...

He describes Michael's style of playing as unorthodox. He may think that this is a compliment, but I think that it is INSULTING!

He left the Schenker-Pattison Summit off the list of artist connections in the Michael Schenker Group which he owns. MORON!

I don't know, but it seems to me that in every post this guy writes, he comes off as a condescending know-it-all.

Hmmm... perhaps the reason that I don't seem to like this guy is that he's too much like ME!

So, why am I ranting about this here?

'Cos I've gotta do it SOMEWHERE, lest I explode!

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

The 12 Days Of Christmas


This is probably the single most annoying Christmas song ever written. Who the fuck can remember all of those stupid gifts and how many were given?!
(Except, of course, the five golden rings)

Not to worry, though, it is also one of the most parodied Christmas tunes out there...

For metalheads like myself, Twisted Sister comes to the rescue with this one:

Heavy Metal Christmas

What a hoot!

If country music is more your style, this one might be more to your liking:

The Redneck Twelve Days Of Christmas

Even if you don't like country music, it'll make you laugh your ass off!

Finally there is the Bob Rivers version of the song:

The Twelve Pains Of Christmas

I think that just about everyone who celebrates the holiday can associate with this one.

Enjoy the tunes!

Monday, November 20, 2006

29!



That's how many candles were on my cake today.
That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

There were also 29 candles on my cake last year, and the year before, and the year before that, and...
You get the picture.
I'm permanently 29.
No! I'm not telling how many times I've turned 29.

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Christmas Is Coming!



In honor of this fact, I have put together my own unique blend of music in a mixed CD that I call Christmas Cheer!

Some of the songs are traditional Christmas tunes, others are modern, but the vast majority of them are silly and snarky!

I gaurantee that this mix would bring a smile to anybody's face this holiday season, even the Grinch!

Here's the tracklisting...

1. Redneck Twelve Days Of Christmas - Unknown Redneck Artist
2. Old Hippie Christmas - The Bellamy Brothers
3. The Chimney Song - Bob Rivers Comedy Corps
4. Don't Need A Reindeer - The Moody Blues
5. White Chrismas - Bing Crosby
6. The Twelve Pains Of Christmas - Bob Rivers Comedy Corps
7. Mistletoe & Wine - Cliff Richard
8. Be Claus I Got High - Bob Rivers
9. Merry Christmas From The Family - Robert Earl Keen
10. Elf's Lament - Barenaked Ladies
11. Happy X-mas (War Is Over) - The Moody Blues
12. Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer - Another Unknown Redneck Artist
13. A Winter's Tale - The Moody Blues
14. Leroy The Redneck Reindeer - Yet Another Unknown Redneck Artist
15. St. Stephen's Day Murders - Elvis Costello & The Cheiftans
16. When A Child Is Born - The Moody Blues
17. I Want A Hippopatamus For Christmas - Gayla Peevey
18. White Trash Christmas - Bob Rivers
19. Merry Christmas Allah - Bob Rivers Comedy Corps
20. Santa's Gonna Come In A Pickup Truck - Alan Jackson
21. Osama Got Run Over By A Reindeer - Bob Rivers
22. Santa Claus Is Watching You - Ray Stevens
23. Here's Your Christmas Sign - Jeff Foxworthy


My apolgies to all of those unknown rednecks. The people who put together the CD that the songs are from did not include artist tags on the tracks.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Thank You

With Thanksgiving coming up this week, this blogthing seemed quite appropriate...

You Are 59% Thankful

You are certainly a thankful person, and you tend to remember what's going well in your life.
You truly are a lucky person - be sure to appreciate how good you have it!

It's good to know that I'm not a total ingrate!

Friday, November 17, 2006

When There Is Nothing Else To Post

A pretty picture will fill the day's empty space!



It seems that Michael is the only member of UFO who is still hot!

Thursday, November 16, 2006

So Tired....



So much mail these past few weeks. Catalogs for one and all! Gotta do that mail order shopping for Christmas. Soon the orders will be coming in! More parcels, big ones!

No amount of coffee or metal music can keep me awake. Soon they shall find me face down on the keyboard!

How did I ever let this happen to me?
I wanted to be a musician, not a mail carrier!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Don't You Just Hate It When...

You download a music file, only to discover that it has been ripped at a ridiculously low bitrate and quality...
C'mon people, at least 128 Kps, please!

You're ripping tracks to your computer and all of the album information that your program gives you is either wrong or missing...

You see mistagged music files...
The worst tag that I've seen: Matchbox 20 - Closing Time
That is Semisonic, folks. Know who you're listening to!


You see stringy monsters A.K.A. long unclipped strings on guitars...
MICHAEL!!!!!!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Stop Thief!



Somebody call a cop. There's a thief on the loose, and it's ME!

I needed a signature for the forums over on Last FM, and I wanted it to be something that spoke strongly of what I'm all about.

So, what did I do?

I stole my signature from Michael Schenker!
(See the blurb at the bottom of his webpage)

"There is no way to heavy metal...
heavy metal is the way!"


Yes, Michael, the music is my god as well!

Monday, November 13, 2006

How To Tell I'm Having A Bad Day

I start listening to tracks from Thank You 4 exclusively at the beginning of my route!

Every other word to come out of my mouth starts with "F".

I suddenly lose the ability to type coherently in English, and English is my first language!!!
No, I'm not going to tell you how many typos I had to edit out of this post! Are there any left?

It's dark when I go to work AND when I come home!

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Evengi Plushenko!

That's the name of the lovely "Sex Bomb" figure skater.

Before Michael, I never thought that big blonde guys could turn me on.
Obviously I was mistaken.
This guy holds the #2 spot in my heart...



It's such a shame that I'm old enough to be his mama!

Saturday, November 11, 2006

Another Gorgeous Blonde

Guitars may be like sex, but this Russian figure skater IS sex incarnate!

Check him out!



Now if someone would just dislodge my tongue from the keyboard...

Friday, November 10, 2006

Why...

Do the bands/artists that I love never play concerts in or near Pittsburgh?

Do they not reissue more old material from the 60s, 70s, and early 80s on CD?

Are there so many great artists out there whose material is not available in the U.S.?

Do men think that women half their age are so fucking great?
Don't they know or care that they are being USED?!

Is concert security in Pittsburgh created from former KBG agents?

The world may never know...

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



Since Christmas and "Buy Me A Present Day" are coming up in the near future...

Thirteen things on my holiday wishlist

1. A Dean Michael Schenker Flying V replia - no surprise this is #1 on my list!

2. A "real" car stereo - I'm tired of playing my CDs through a cassette adapter.

3. The safe return of my two missing guitars - I can dream. I really think that bastard sold them!

4. A new digital camera that doen't operate on a rechargable battery - I love my Kodak DX6490, but the rechargable battery is a pain in the ass!

5. Any CD currently on my CD Univrse wishlist - A realistic choice!

6. An MP3 player with at least 4G of storage space - I've got my eyes on a cute little one made by RCA

7. A notebook computer with a hard drive bigger than 6G - I love my notebook computer, but the hard drive is much too small!

8. A portable hard drive (at least 40G) - A cheaper alternative to a new notebook computer

9. Jewelry - Some Diamonique from QVC would be nice...

10. A Gibson (or Epiphone) Explorer - Like anybody could afford to get me THAT!

11. Godiva chocolates - I eat them one a day to make them last!

12. Obsession by Calvin Klein - My all-time favorite scent, I'd love to own a bottle of the real thing.

13. MICHAEL SCHENKER! (preferably in my bed) - Unrealistic, but what I want the most...

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

Do I Get A Commission On This?

My favorite thing about my new cell phone is not the camera feature, the fact that it charges fully in less than a half hour, or even the color view screen. No, no, no! I love the phone because it is also an MP3 player, one that plays loudly enough to be heard over the noise made by a postal vehicle!

There is no need for me to pay to download any music files, I can transfer them from my computer. Woot!

There are several tracks from Thank You 4 currently residing on my phone's MP3 player. They are my "end of the route, I've gotta play something calming so I don't kill anybody" songs...

They were, of course, playing today as I delivered a certified letter to an older man at the end of my route...

"I like that music that you have playing," he says. "What is it?"

"That would be Michael Schenker," I tell him.

"Where can I get it?" he wants to know.

"You've gotta order it from Michael's website," I inform him. "He mails them out himself from Germany. He's such a sweetie!"

So, I wonder, if this old guy actually buys the CD, do I get a commission?
Nevermind, Michael, just pay the fucking Bella-Bitch so that you can get your ass to Pittsburgh!

Hmmmm... Will the old guy know that there is a 'C' in Schenker?
Will he die of shock when he sees the rest of Michael's site?

Only time will tell....

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

Workplace Games

One of the things that we are quite fond of doing to ease the boredom on the workplace floor is to either burst into song in response to something that is said or reply to questions using song lyrics. Alas, no one understands me when I do it!

Examples:

Bob: I've got a story to tell you...
Me: Tell a story that your heart can't keep...

Bonnie: With all of the mess inside my purse, people should start calling me "Disarray!"
Me (bursting into song): See through the disarray. Keep your dreams inside...

Perhaps if they all listened to this album they'd understand...



Tee hee! Listening to it would probably kill those country music and pop trash fans that I work with!

Monday, November 06, 2006

Monday Sucks!

Overworked and underpaid! That's how I feel every Monday.
Let's face it, I never wanted to be a postal worker, but life got in the way of my plans for a musical career and that's what I ended up being. BLECH!

A bit of Michael on Monday would certainly bring me joy!
I just love this picture from the UFO days...



Michael is in his early 20s in this shot, but really, he looks much younger than that, and oh so pretty....

Sunday, November 05, 2006

Random Twenty

A little twist on the Random Ten meme over on Music Memoirs...

I put the music from all of the albums on my computer featuring Michael Schenker (except for The Scorpions' Lovedrive) into a playlist and set my Media Player on shuffle. I gave it twenty songs to see if it could come up with at least one song from each of the bands and albums.

This is what happened...

1. No Turning Back - Michael Schenker Group
2. Standing On The Road - Michael Schenker Group
3. While My Guitar Gently Weeps - Schenker-Pattison Summit
4. At The End Of The Day - Michael Schenker
5. Shadow Lady - Michael Schenker Group
6. The Ride - Michael Schenker Group
7. Love Trade - Michael Schenker Group
8. Turning Off The Emotion - Michael Schenker Group
9. Because I Can - Michael Schenker Group
10. I Don't Live Today - Michael Schenker Group
11. Angel Of Avalon - Michael Schenker Group
12. Fat City N.O. - Michael Schenker Group
13. Reflection Of Your Heart - Michael Schenker Group
14. Setting Sun - Michael Schenker Group
15. Live For Today - Michael Schenker Group
16. Money - Michael Schenker Group
17. TY4....7 - Michael Schenker
18. Achtung Fertig, Los - Michael Schenker
19. Rock 'N' Roll - Michael Schenker Group
20. Only You Can Rock Me - UFO


Okay, I confess that after nineteen songs, I clicked to a UFO song!

In keeping with the spirit of the Random Ten meme, I now offer you a picture...



Yet another illustration for At The End Of The Day!

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Christmas Is Coming!

ARRGH! Since I make my living by delivering mail, that's something that I really just don't like to think about.

I have a reputation for being a Scrooge, but that is not entirely accurate. I have nothing against the holiday or the Christian ideals of peace and love that are supposed to accompany the season. What I do object to is the immense commercialization of a beautiful religious holiday. Christmas has become more about how much can I spend? How much can I decorate? Bla - blah - blah.. than it is about Christ. Disgusting!

Needless to say, my collection of Christmas music consists of mostly humorous or snarky Christmas songs, but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't love to have some nice traditional Christmas music to listen to, especially if it were done by the right artist. A nice little "acoustic instrumental" of traditional Christmas tunes, perhaps...

Michael...

I would think that this would have mass appeal.

Something original would be nice, too, but that would require lyrics and a vocalist...

Hmmmm... I'm available, and I've always wanted write a Christmas song....

Friday, November 03, 2006

You Can Never Have Too Many Guitars!

I once saw a t-shirt with that printed on the front. I should have bought it, since I totally agree with the sentiment.

Non-guitarists just don't understand...

I am currently obsessed with getting myself the one featured in my post signature, The Dean Michael Schenker Flying V (almost) replica. It's not expensive, as far as electric guitars go, but coming up with even as little as $300 when you've got kids just ain't easy...

And when I eventually do purchase it,
AND I WILL!!!
I will hear my mom saying,
"Did you really need to buy another guitar?!"

Gee, I don't know, Mom.
Did YOU really need to buy another cookbook?!

Thursday, November 02, 2006

Thursday Thirteen



Thirteen things that are on my mind right now

1. DEATH TO THE BELLA BITCH!!!

2. I'm sure going to miss the Buddha kitty who died today.

3. Will that concert ever be rescheduled?

4. When will my Kelly Keeling CD arrive?

5. I must be crazy! I find myself oddly missing "the estranged one."

6. Was there something that I could have done to prevent Joe's death?

7. What CD from my wishlist should I purchase this payday?

8. How can I get $300 to buy that guitar that I want?

9. I wish that someone loved me enough to get the aforementioned guitar for me on "Buy Me A Present Day", November 20.
(I don't have birthdays anymore. That way I don't get any older!)

10. Will I be done with work before 5:00 tomorrow?

11. Republicans suck!

12. I want to go to Wheeling!

13. I STILL LOVE YOU, MICHAEL!!!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

The Hump Day Hunk

Wow! Look at this lovely former vocalist from Michael's band!







Kelly Wayne Keeling is mighty fine!

I sure do wish that the solo album of his that I ordered would arrive!