Learning The Hard Way

On June 15, 1990 I thought that I had my LAST drink. I attended AA meetings regularly. Life was good. I had true friends and a belief in a higher power...

Time passed and I slowed my meeting attendence to nothing. I forgot what I was. Life went on. All still seemed well...

More time passed. Denial set in. I was not an alcoholic, I convinced myself. I did not want to be a freak of nature who could not have a drink. I could control my drinking, I knew. And so the cycle began again, slowly...

Then "the accident" happened. Something inside me snapped. I lost any faith that I had left in a higher power. All I wanted to do was be numb. As soon as possible, I started drinking heavily, every night. I remained sober in the day. I have to work in the day, so I still convinced myself that it was under control...

I eventually allowed my so-called friend who is an addict to move in with me. It seemed great at first. I covered for her, she covered for me...

Then things went sour. Our addictions were causing me to do things that made me feel disgusted with myself during my "sober" hours. I felt as though I was losing everything that I was. I was scared. I felt like a prisoner in my own home and could see no way out. I desperately clung to the one thing that was part of me that I could hold on to, Michael and his music...

As I looked at the titles of the songs on Thank You 3 one day, I remembered the first step in AA...
"We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable."
It was all I could think of. It was true, I knew...

I found the courage, real courage this time, to force my so-called friend to leave. I called the AA offices...

And so I begin again, one day at a time.